the seventh day or, it's okay! you just have overwhelming irrational fears!

the seventh day of the twentieth year

what did learn today?

that sometimes you need a push to get back to yourself. below is a link that i wrote for my friend jenny's story 'sanctuary.' turns out that amelia decided to play a little trick and got us to review each other's works and post it on the same day. the little minx. 'echo' is my piece. i was grinning ear to ear like an idiotic fool and as a result i'm finally back to my writing. HUZZAH!

http://discerningficster.blogspot.com/20

09/03/guestficrec-when-love-is-mutual-you-get.html


that nice weather in the northeast is an illusion. see that snow? see it?! see my photos from yesterday?! IT WENT FROM BEING FIFTY AND LOVELY TO TWENTY SIX AND SNOWING! NO

oh! OH OH OH! ps. while taking this photo, the doors shut on me and i dropped my camera inside the train. my being stuck allowed three other people to catch their train. they said thanks with smiles even though they knew it was entirely unintentional. i turned six shades of red, but i think it was worth it.


that dragging yourself out of bed to go to the shrinks isn't ten pounds of fun. i've been in an out of therapy for the better part of five years. my new shrink has a toupe and is a fidget. he's was the first to tell me that it's not my fault that my thoughts dwell in negative places. that it takes years to break that habit. for the first time i don't feel like a broken china doll, never to be repaired without visable cracks. i think i'm just a puzzle that was hastily put together the wrong way. i can be fixed. maybe. doesn't mean i like to admit that something is wrong with me, but such is the human condition.


dear girl in pink jumpsuit at north station, thank you for being a spot of color against a backdrop of gray boston. signed, grateful no-longer-teen in the gray hat.


that running into your boyfriend in the elevator is one of lifes small pleasure that i need to learn to enjoy more often.


that twenty dollar wall decals from ikea! are damn near close to idiot proof. that bear has the exact same sense of compostion that i do. that it's scary when he's in my head, but that it has grown rather cozy like that.

the sixth day or, you're going to order two breakfasts again aren't you?

the sixth day of the twentieth year

what did we learn today?


that waking up to this is how i want to spend more of my days than i care to admit.


that i used to take photos for the sake of enjoying it, and that it's time to get back to that. i don't want to fritter away a skill i spent five years fostering. i want to dust off the old film camera and get back to my roots. i want to smell dextrose on my fingers. i want to boil negatives in salt water just to see what will happen. i want to photograph strangers and their children. i want to break into that old amusement park and shoot until my fingers cannot click any longer. stay tuned as this develops. HA! pun. i got you. i got you.


that my neck is incredibly long and my head is incredibly small but i like them, because you don't have them.


that lightening can destroy your favorite hammock tree, but that you can't get angry because you know it was meant to happen. in some strange way, you know nothing could have been done to stop it, and that it was just it's time to go.


that despite being broken in two, buds will bloom.


that this house will be around long after i'm dead and ashed, and that is wonderful. i want to carve my name under the deck so toby's grandchildren will one day find it and wonder who i was and why i was there.


and last but not least, that the barn can service private functions. i now want a breakfast themed wedding. bear is not on board. balderdash!

the fifth day or, running away is always an option

the fifth day of the twentieth year

what did we learn today? that everything eventually catches up to you in the end and you're better off just taking care of it when it first appears. or you can run away to westport.


everybody likes sushi on the beach. everybody. especially when it's fifty degrees.


when did one of my favorite places become a beach in new england? who am i? really? but can you blame me? the one thing i don't understand is all the rocks. where the hell did all of these rocks come from? is there some demented easter bunny depositing rocks instead of eggs? not cool hoppy st.tail. not cool at all.


julia, we ate chili in your bedroom. then we jumped on the bed. DON'T TELL MOM!!


the friendly's in dartmouth is the most mismanaged chain restaraunt i've ever been in. white trashy people serving cheap and tasty food. this is not a winning combination. you think it would be all buttercups and lollipops, but it is not.


and the ice cream was not as good as previously touted. I WAS SO LET DOWN FRIENDLY'S. never again. never again.

i apologize for being boring. i promise that next week i'll do something more interesting. but i probably won't.

the fourth day or, your hands smell like bleach

the fourth day of the twentieth year

what did we learn today? that it is bad to put off bathroom cleaning. that oreos and pudding are a delicious breakfast. that my fridge will never keep my milk quite cold enough. that snuggling up with your pillows and watching the simpsons is a day well spent. that jon peters needs to die in a fire.

i didn't do too much, and i sort of regret it, but it's the last day of my break and tomorrow i go back to the grind. tomorrow i finish writing. tomorrow we go to westport to take care of odds and ends. and what do you know, it's 1:03 so it is tomorrow.


i have dyed my hair ever few months since my senior year of high school. what started out as an experiment with katie in steven's basement snowballed into a hilarious way to spend half an hour every few weeks. this round we went with auburn.


i think it worked.

the third day or, the fattest dr. manhattan ever

the third day of the twentieth year

i slept. i woke. i watchmened. and all was well.

my most lovely friend bethany was supposed to come see the movie with us last night but she got horribly ill so dana came with us instead. all i could do was buy her a mcflurry, so hopefully that frozen delight brought her some comfort before the sinus infection ravaged away the inside of her brain pan.

there are only two pictures today because i didn't think you'd want to see a photo of me laying in bed. or riding the train. or eating in a hospital cafeteria. or buying a doormat. but maybe i'm wrong. maybe my pouring draino-max gel is exciting. maybe clipping my fingernails gets you hot and heavy. but that's enough of the musing. next time i'll take the photo of the cashier attempting in vain to roll up the heavy plastic mat. i did have a slight giggle, but i'm not sure strangers like having their photos taken. we shall see.



i'm pretty sure i liked it, but gods damn was that sex scene unintentionally hilarious. seriously. leonard cohen had no place there, unlike malin's tits, which were rockin'.

dana cannot be photographed. it is scientifically impossible.

the second day. jai ho!

day two of the twentieth year

what did we learn today? that i am more spry than i thought i was and can indeed go for hours and hours without getting a wink of sleep. here i thought i was slowly morphing into an old man with aches and pains in my bones and an ever growing crick in my neck. i did not get home until 3:46 this morning. i did not even remember what 3:46 looked like until today because i have not seen it since the night i stayed up with erin and kelly talking about scandalous things. dear lord, no one ever needs to know what 3:46 looks like unless it is your job to make sure that the world has not exploded at that time. i just hope that when it hits 3:47 that inspector can go back to bed and forget all about 3:46.

roommate aka beth aka driver wanted to leave at eight am for the grand city of new york. we were suppose to pick up gary in rhode island and then meet up with teal in westchester before taking the train into the city. you'd think that would be an easy enough task. oh no. oh no. oh no. we got lost. many many times. we managed to drive into parts of rhode island that have never before been discovered by 98% of the states inhabitants. bad directions will forever be the bane of my existence. so we magically swap from 8oclock and hungry to 10:30 and find ourselves at gary's house. gary lives at the beach. he did not tell us this. our happy dance of joy was greater than it should have been considering the snow, but it was forty degrees and we were not in boston. all was well.

after twenty minutes of shenanigans we were off to the magical land of westchester where the rich prosper and the children watch tv inside all day with their imported nannies ride shiny bicycles. i can tell you with no bias whatsoever that this does not fit the mold of teal's house. oh sweet christ. her house is like the child of my house. my house birthed her house during the long winter and tried to raise her up good and right and christian. her house declared upon it's thirteenth birthday NO! I SHALL NOT GROW UP TO BE A CONFORMIST SLAVE. I WILL HANG MY OWN ART ON THE WALLS AND NONE OF MY FURNITURE WILL MATCH AND WE WILL HAVE THE MOST GLORIOUS OF LIVES. and i swear to you, dear readers, that this is absolutely true. holy crap i could have stayed inside for hours documenting the lovely. walls were mismatched, furniture was handmade, books littered every imaginable surface, masks hung from the walls and mexican folk art adorned the cabinets. i never wanted to leave. but someone cougheveryone decided i could not take up residence and document every particulate in the house and we were off to the train station.

as of noon on wednesday, gary had never set foot in nyc. in fact, he referred to it as n.y.c. we giggled. told him it was faux paux. we don't know what the fuck we are talking about. or how to spell faux paux. and i don't know how to be quiet on the train. i know, you are shocked and amazed. any who... who in the hell came up with that saying? we get to grand central and then tell gary we are not going to go above ground to time square just yet. we are going to trek around to the hearst building, where teal's delightful mother works, and then run to the met. he was chagrinned until we told him to hush. then he was double chagrinned, but thankfully distracted, and we were off.

gary and i decided the hell with blending in and took our sweet time walking and enjoyed the city where as teal and beth walked as though they were being held at gunpoint. we were a cute foursome. security took our ids and gave us some sweet badges to go up to the 41st floor. we were the lamest coolest vips that ever were. we went up, met some famouses, smoozed, drank out of cups made of corn plastic, photographed and went back downstairs. if you are ever in the city i recommend checking out the hearst building. she's a real beaut and is the first green building in the country. KA CHOW! take that to the bank and smoke it in your pipe or whatever it is that you do.

did you know that you can get into the met for free if you are real pretty and they are damn near close to closing? well, you can! followed teal to the egyptian section and after admiring really bitchin' napoleon era graffiti, we were ushered out into the cold once again. did you know that gary has a bush just like the one they have in the museum? well he does! oh gary. your double entendre slays us once again.

after the fastest met visit in the history of the universe, we went to my new favorite place in the galaxy, panna II. it is tacky and it is wonderful and you can eat enough to gorge yourself for two days for the whopping price of 13.95. it was nearly cool enough to be a room in teal's house. NEARLY. but no cigar. the best part about panna II? byob. NO WE WILL NOT BE BRINGING WHITE ZINFANDEL MY GRANDPARENS WOULD BEAT ME! IT IS PINOT GRIGIO OR IT IS DEATH! turns out, it didn't have to be death. if you are ever kicking around astor square, take a wander over to first ave and check it out. you will not regret it. i promise.

we hopped back on that contraption called a subway and wandered back to times square so gary could glee his giddy little heart out. ADORABLE! who knew advertisements could be so hypnotizing? all you need are a few million leds and life is instantly better if not temporarily cheapened. we took hilariously touristy pictures and laughed until we wet ourselves before the clock struck ten and these four little pumpkins had to leave.

dear mcdonald's on 295, why do you not accept credit cards at two in the morning? i desperately wanted a mcflurry. damn you. damn you straight to the hot place. signed, caitlin.

we managed to make it to boston without getting lost. and then the unthinkable happened. we were two minutes from home and then STORROW DRIVE WAS CLOSED AND WE ENDED UP IN MOTHER FRAKING CHELSEA. chelsea at three is not a warm and fuzzy place. it is filled with truckers and cobblestone roads and houses on the brink of implosion. i do not recommend. ever.

the clock struck 3:46 and we strolled on through the door. we were dirty. we were delirious. we were exhausted. we were happy.

we would do it again in a heartbeat.


it is bright. it is early. we are not amused.


gary refers to his dogs as 'white dog' and 'brown dog' and he is embarrassed to own two seven pound poodles.


best. store. ever.


do you see why i never wanted to leave?

do you see now?


if you aren't getting this, you and i are done professionally.


caitlin in the family room with the candlesticks.


everybody needs a peanut. everybody.


we are egyptians. couldn't you tell?


blue steal ain't got shit on teal.


i loved it so much. pictures do not do it justice. why chili lights are the standard for indian restaurants in ny i'll never know.


and alllllll thaaaaaaaaat jaaaaaaaaaaaaazzzz.

the first day

day one of the twentieth year.

what did we learn today? how to spell the word twentieth without resorting to spell check. that the best friend i've ever had is something that i've never met. that the love of my life doesn't officially consider it your birthday until you are one minute into the day. that your roommate pays more attention to the things you like than you thought she did. that cake constitutes a delicious lunch. that aluminum birthday banners are one of the simple joys in life. that your grandfather still cries on your birthday because he never thought he'd live to see it. that your grandmother will forever call you 'hun.' that your father loves you more than you once thought and you curse yourself for ever doubting it. that it's okay for your mother to call every day of the week because she can't let go and she must be humored in this. that it's okay to want to wear your sneakers to a fancy restaurant and it's okay for your boyfriend to say no. that your brother can come out of hiding to say happy birthday before retreating back into the silence you've both grown accustomed to and uncomfortable in. that being added to your boyfriend's family email list makes you feel more included than you ever could have hoped for.

and above all else it is important to remember that it is okay to be who i want to be and to have the courage that i'll make it through to the other side.

today i realized who cared and it made all the difference.

this year will be different because i need it to be.


12:01


wall-e with the roommate after a most delicious breakfast of bacon egg & cheese from dunkin'. it is apparently very much acceptable to wake up someone on their birthday by bursting into their room at 9:32 and shouting HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! it most certainly is.


i will wear red lipstick and you will not stop me.


my name is bear and i will drink this soy sauce straight if i so choose and you have no right to judge me.


did you know that a cherrystone was a type of clam? it turned out to be much more delicious than anticipated and taste nothing like the bath and body works oral explosion i expected. good on you douzo. good on you.