the first day

day one of the twentieth year.

what did we learn today? how to spell the word twentieth without resorting to spell check. that the best friend i've ever had is something that i've never met. that the love of my life doesn't officially consider it your birthday until you are one minute into the day. that your roommate pays more attention to the things you like than you thought she did. that cake constitutes a delicious lunch. that aluminum birthday banners are one of the simple joys in life. that your grandfather still cries on your birthday because he never thought he'd live to see it. that your grandmother will forever call you 'hun.' that your father loves you more than you once thought and you curse yourself for ever doubting it. that it's okay for your mother to call every day of the week because she can't let go and she must be humored in this. that it's okay to want to wear your sneakers to a fancy restaurant and it's okay for your boyfriend to say no. that your brother can come out of hiding to say happy birthday before retreating back into the silence you've both grown accustomed to and uncomfortable in. that being added to your boyfriend's family email list makes you feel more included than you ever could have hoped for.

and above all else it is important to remember that it is okay to be who i want to be and to have the courage that i'll make it through to the other side.

today i realized who cared and it made all the difference.

this year will be different because i need it to be.


12:01


wall-e with the roommate after a most delicious breakfast of bacon egg & cheese from dunkin'. it is apparently very much acceptable to wake up someone on their birthday by bursting into their room at 9:32 and shouting HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! it most certainly is.


i will wear red lipstick and you will not stop me.


my name is bear and i will drink this soy sauce straight if i so choose and you have no right to judge me.


did you know that a cherrystone was a type of clam? it turned out to be much more delicious than anticipated and taste nothing like the bath and body works oral explosion i expected. good on you douzo. good on you.